Comments by Jonathan Chance are in RED
Many people have asked where I got the numbers for the "There are over 3,814 Covens and 423 Satanic Cults known to exist in the U.S.!" statement. It's simple! My middle name is Chad. If A=1 and B=2, then 3814 spells Chad. My date of birth is April 23rd - read 423.
Jonathan, I just read your site, and I must say, your Halloween pamphlet reads like it could have been written by my mother! Your page amused me a lot.... i'd show it to my mom, but she would agree with it and write an email that would end up on the "just nuts" section. Hehehehehe. Keep it up! And how about a page satirizing the anti-gay sites? Me and my friends would get a kick outta that. :-) Sincerely, Artemyss
Well, First, I mailed you like a month ago telling you (I think it was something like this) What stupid Fundie assholes you were. Of course, I found the "Halloween" section through a search and had no clue as to the true nature of it. Just now I found the hate mail page and was TOTALLY confused by the reaction of people writing in comparison to yours ("What religion?" "My Christian beliefs?", etc.);so, i dropped part of the addy, ended up at the main site and went "no way!!!". I immediately started to roar with laughter (not at the content of the HW section, I still think it's offensive, but at my own lightning hatemail reflexes). I have to admit you guys got me good! You've made me think about my own impulsiveness in rattling off insults without further investigation. NEVER will I make that mistake again!!!
Blessings and ROFLMFAO, Thanks Mr. Hawthorne. You have made my whole point more clearly than I ever could!
So we gathered the entire family around the monitor to share in it's flickering glow and marvel at the glory of your page. Thank god for intelligent people. I so often find myself chanting throughout the day, "the world is full of idiots," and it frightens me. Those of us with an IQ greater than that of a grape's are quickly becoming a dying breed. (This is extremely disappointing since we've worked so hard as a culture to rise above the dark ages...just had to add one of my prfound comments about society.) I think that the comments from people who are offended make me laugh the most. Nothing inspires humor more than a bunch of hypocrites, "screaming" out oxymorons. I say keep it up. Give their pathetic little lives something to whine about.
Long live satire!
Hello! I ran into your page through i friend of mine and read most of
it, came back today and read as much mail as i could take. But i find it
funny as all hell! How someone could post something as entertainment,
and so many people would take it as seriously to place curses on you.
Hmm, i guess its good for ratings. The only thing that pisses me off
about you is the fact that you have had sooo many more people at your
site then mine. I guess i should start posting my opinoins about touchy
stuff and watch the hate mail come in, as well as my little counter on
the bottom of my page.. Its something to try i guess... ~Eagle
Your pages are a riot... Thanks for the laughs! - David Chernofsky
those hate mail people have serious problems. i think the death threats
are a nice addition, and my favorite is probably the winking jesus.
truly excellent work... :) im only just realising how many people in the
world should be living in a psych ward for the next few centuries.
so yeah, just thought id send a note to say congrats. CONGRATS!
one of my friends has done a picture of santa claus in her major work.
he's this huge evil white guy with a little black child with
malnutrition chained to him. heheheee.... Bob Wright
Just wanted to drop a note and say that I really like your site. Here, at least, is one Wiccan who a) thinks you're hilarious and b) can find the capslock key. I worry that some of those who object to your Halloween tract try the same tactics on someone who's actually serious, thereby adding even more fuel to the fire. Whee. I liked the impromptu history lessons from some of your detractors too, when it was obvious from the content of the tract (one of the better-informed ones I've seen; I recall the Chick tract that mentioned Druids using pumpkins, when pumpkins are native to North America) that you'd done a bit of research already. Heh. I've seen the "How to Be a Good Wife" before--on a friend's dorm room door at Smith College. I guess it was sort of a "Look how far we've come" thing, that something like that is funny now. Or maybe what's funny is that we were once supposed to think that way. Maybe ideals can't function in the real world unless tempered with humor. Although, the hate mail was in a sense the funniest page on the site. It's almost enough to turn this Wiccan Catholic. ;) -g
Man oh man, your site is so funny but the hate mail is even funnier! Actually, it kinda scares me that so many people freaked out like that. To all the the people that freaked out I would like to say: Whoa down big train. Frigg-a-ligg. Oh yeah, you should write about my cat, she was raised buy a minister and she pure evil and she has really bad breath.
From,
For 10 years I belonged to Post 666 of the American Legion. It was a hoot, I had the hat, I thought about the jacket I love your pages, keep up the good work. Do not publish your picture or your address. Those people are serious idiots. Pierre
I have read your page and the large amount of mails you have received. I looks like you achieved what you set out to do, ACTUALLY GET A RESPONSE FROM PEOPLE. Oh by GOD (oopss) you did get a big response. Everything is writen in such a manner that anyone can get offended. Damn its good. I never stop being amazed at how strong people can sometimes about their beliefs. Frankly most of the nasty mails you have received are from simple minded folk. If they were so strong in their beliefs nothing you or I could say would bother them in the slightest. They would mearly pass over your page as insignificant. I truely believe all the mails you got were from Want-to-be idiots. Its high fashion to pretend to be a witch, evil, a satanist, to threaten, to curse someone, to believe in Crowley, to quote Dante, to write in script or code. Its usually the shallow that do it. I wish these people luck in their directionless lives. Keep it up, someone has got to be the dregs of society. PS: If wonder how many people will get the meaning of this mail. Gavinx McShera Mr. McShera writes back: Incredible. I sent a mail previously praising your ability to get people to respond, I also could not understand how people got so upset by what you wrote. I figured the whole thing was very funny. Well now, I am disturbed now that I managed to get through all your mails. Almost every person that wrote a mail in disagreement was full of hate. Catholics at the center of it all, putting everyone down and understanding you are misguided ( how kind of them ). Pagans bitching about being misunderstood and shouting, "What about the Catholics, they're bad" Witches and sundry getting all upset because they sleep in the nude and saying but what about the Satanists. Satanists proclaiming to be nice and cute and throwing curses at you from a great height. Frankly I would be tired of it all, if I were you. ( Which I'm not, thank god or some celestially challenged thing )
Actually, I dont know why I bothered writing this. There is no way what I
say is going to change these people.
hahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahaaaa.
loved the halloween shit and the santa deal. you're so funny. i had a
really good laugh. i also read people's comments. holy fucked up wierdos
batman! just thought i'd say i had a good time visiting your site and
keep up the good work! Leyla Mansour
This site is hilarous!!! Caliana
Some people don't get simple satire. So, anyway, for the Wiccans that kvetched at you, here's a tip o' the hat from one who knows how to read to the END of a document.
Blessed Be, Thanks Kaatryn. I'm pretty sure you and I have visited some of the same wacked out sites. You are one of many people who tell me the design is all wrong for a "believer". I aggree, but I can't bring myself to create a page that looks THAT shitty. Peace
I read your website and it was non-stop laughs the whole way through. I
especially liked the Santa thing. It was hilarious. You should update
your amazingly entertaining website again soon. This has been the most
educational and entertaining website I have seen on the internet so far.
And trust me, that's saying a lot. I spend about two hours daily surfing
parodical, somewhat satanic, pure hillariousness each day. This has been
my favourite. Keep up the good work. Robert
Hello, I was reading through your hate mail, and with every letter I felt more resolved about writing you myself. Half of your hate mail had me laughing, just because of its anger and...well...hatred. A year ago I probably would have agreed with all those Wiccans and Pagans, because, I too, was a Wiccan. But, I guess something happened (I'm not sure what), and I had no interest in the occult or even in religion. Does that make me a horrible person? According to some, yes. Maybe I'm an athiest. I don't know. I'm young, I have time to figure it out. Maybe someday I'll become a Christian and believe in the Bible and the Commandments. But that is not really relevant to my point...Actually, I don't think I have a point. Well, I'll make one up then. I was wondering why people could feel such hate for a person they've never met. This one person makes a few site contradicting their own views, and they can muster up hate and feel vengeance for this person. OK, so I don't agree with your views. I believe a lot of them are wrong (in my opinion), but that's no reason to hate. OK, to all of the Pagans out there: I remember one philosophy I lived by when I was a Wiccan. To live in peace. Harm none, isn't that the main idea of Wicca? All witches and warlocks out there, why do you let a simple web page make you cuss and send hate mail and death threats? And why do you think everyone who doesn't adher to your beliefs is Christian? To all Christians: I liked the winking Jesus. It gave me giggles, and I saw nothing blasphemous or evil about it. Wouldn't you want Jesus to wink at you? OK, I just thought I'd put in my input. Sometimes I like to think on things, and this is one of those times. Blessed be, Bless you, etc. Tootles! AprilCareen
What can I say. Cool site. Anyway I stumbled across this site on my travels through Cyberspace and stopped to take a closer look. I wouldn't be to concerned about the death treats. .. . . . . I mean c'mon people its only a web site. Still, loved it, and loved Santa's diary.... awesome. Keep up the good work my friend, and I look forward to seeing ya in HELL. Simon Tracey. (FAN)
Oh my! This was some experience coming here. A friend of mine demanded that I go here and told me I'd enjoy it...he was right..I laughed my ass off. See, people need to have a sense of humor these days I tell you...I loved the hate mail...all the mail actually, it cracked me up beyong belief..especially you're witty comebacks. I hope that some day some people will be kind enough to pull their heads out of their asses and realize that this page was done in nothing more than good clean fun (well, perhaps not completely clean). Keep up the excellent work and if you ever get anything new, I'd love to be the first to know. damn this site made me laugh..I just had to say it again! Peace and goodwill dude!
Just another brick in the wall,
Master!
Ever in awe and ever worshipping you,
Gnarly site. The best part is all the ignorant mail you get! I used to be Wiccan and now, seeing their IDIOTIC responses to your site, I'm double glad I'm not! And as for the Christians (I'm one of them), most seem to take themselves waaaaaaaaaaaaay too seriously. My kids are going to go trick or treating dressed as skeletons and witches, and they're going to sit and watch for Jesus to wink at them. Good grief. Make more pages. You entertain. Pink Pajamas
From: Justin Catanio
I would like to begin by saying that I found your page entertaining.
Unfortunately, I found the hate mail frightening. This was not simply
because of the threats, but because these people who wrote them were
probably serious about the content and their positions. Whats even more
more frightening is the fact that these people vote! Auuggghhh! Do
these psychopaths have to live on my planet?
From: NOVA25 JUST FINISHED CHECKING OUT YOUR SITE AND WOW. IT KEPT ME LAUGHING NON STOP. I ESPECIALLY ENJOYED THE SANTA CHRONICLES. I ALWAYS KNEW THERE WAS SOMTHING EVIL ABOUT SANTA. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR FINDINGS WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD. SERIOUSLY- KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
From: Frank
Hey Jonathon!
Anyway, I think you should try the alien abduction suggestion, the
shoot-a-person/take-a-shooting-class-in-school suggestion (make it NRA
propaganda, make it seem more convincing), and the Marilyn Manson one (I
like his music, but the way he acts sometimes just BEGS to be messed
with)! Hell, I'm gay, and I think the anti-homosexual suggestion would
be funny (even funnier would be an anti-HETEROSEXUAL one)! Maybe try
something with the Easter Bunny, leprachauns, politicians..maybe even
the evils of fairy tales, evils of music (Yanni: New Age Sensation or
Satan's House Musician?...or substitute Yanni with the Spice Girls
and/or Hanson)! Damn...better quit while I'm ahead!
From: bil Wowsers! Those are some heavy sites you got there! I loved the mail though. Anyhow, my voice- Critique: I agree whole heartedly with your efforts. Thinking just seems so cliche these days. But I have to say that (at least on the Halloween site) that finding the p.f.t.p. link was a long way down. It took quite a scroll to get there and I might hazard that some browsers may make it seem as if the page ended long before the link. (I know, an assumption, yadda yadda yadda.) This seems to me to favor the reactions towards believing that the site is intended at face value. An Observation: Gads those wiccans are feisty aren't they? They scream for their liberties and right to freedom of religion and bash against the Satanists in the same breath. Rather hypocritical in my opinion. The wiccan replies were the ones that caused me the most distress. So many of them assumed that _witch_ immediately applied to them. I know wiccans who do not label themselves as witches. I know many witches who would consider being called wiccan fighting words. And then they blathered on about what they thought (having read two neo-pagan books that surmised wiccan holidays in a chapter or two and now are unquestionably experts on ancient traditions) Halloween/Samhain/All Hallow's Eve was REALLY about. You could feel the historical accuracy pouring out of them...(PLEASE read the sarcasm) Makes Torquemada smile I'd bet. I wonder if they shudder when people remind them that Santeria is (externally) considered a pagan religion and that ritualistic sacrifice is practiced by some practitioners. (And no, not some freaked out biker/schizoid type guy slicing heads off of chickens with glee. Accountants, yes. But most of the others appear respectable.) As do some witches of other religious faiths. They read the word witch, realize that they label themselves with the word (thank you Starhawk) and freak out. And they say the right wing is reactionary... Just my 2 cents on your fine and fun pages. (And please, even if the How To Be A Good Wife page never amasses large hit counts, keep it up for those of us who like to look into the past and give an uneasy chuckle) bil (a pagan who likes ya'!)
From: napolean dynamite
sigh...satire, it's a lost art. i suppose i should thank you and your
hate mail for your constant affiramtion of the mantra i repeat to myself
everyday: "people are idiots". you're a sick man...keep up the good
work.
From: Beth
Hey--
From: jacen
First, of let me say i AM a christian and i get a kick out of your page.
the only thing i find disturbing about it is the hate mail and death
threats from other so-called "christians." it's people like this that make
christianity seem so self-righteous and judgemental. true christianity is
modeling your life after jesus, and jesus never said he hated anyone or was
going to kill them. in fact, it you read the gospels, you'll find the only
people christ ever criticized were the pharisees who were known for being
self-righteous hypocrites and judging the morality of others. i don't
consider myself better than anyone and don't pass judgement on anyone else.
i may not agree with something, but that doesn't mean i should say other
people are wrong because their opinions are different than mine. it's
God's place to judge man, and no man should try to take the role of God,
but some of my "brothers and sisters" in christ seem to point every little
imperfection in everyone around them. i just want you to know that not all
of us follow the super self-righteous image that has become the stereotype
of christianity. thanks.
from: Darkstar
HAHAHAHAHA...... One of these days a nutcase will really kill you, but until then keep up the work!
From: Paul Personally I think that you are a very humorous man with a lot of time on his hands...Your comments and opinions kept me laughing as well as the ignorant responses of those who comdemned you for expressing your thoughts......it is a riot.... Actually Paul, I have NO time on my hands! As anyone who has been here more than once in 6 months can tell you, I seldom update this stuff.
From: SECRET There simply aren't enough adjectives to do you justice. A wickedly satirical site with all the right spines in all the right places.
The only thing I wonder is why on earth you would seek out the 'drooling
edge' when surely you know they can no more stop picking their scabs
than they can learn to breathe through their noses. [chuckle]
Should you decide to publish my pitiful note, please refrain from using my email or url. In its stead, please link to the only other site I've ever enjoyed like this: http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Prairie/9179/walter.htm The home of the extraordinarily dysfunctional Walter Miller. My thanks and best wishes for continued success.
From: Nick I tought the halloween tract was very good, it sucinctly sumed up all the rabid witterings of fundermentalist christians, the only thing it lacked was some supposedly cute (though actually looking like it's ispired by chronic barbiturate abuse) comic book art, showing the good boys and girls that if they bob for apples a big bad devil with a strage laugh well throow them in a lake of fire.
Oh and on the point one wiccan or another made about their
religion being good, because of the "An' it harm none, blah blah yackety
shmacety etc, etc" Don't they ever notice that this is a perversion (an
acusation they like to bamndy around) of something the great (if barking
mad) Aleister Crowley said. And why do they all seam to think they're
living in the middle ages, 'Merry Meet' etc:- most people say hello.
From: Smoke Dogg I used to be a wiccan, but i'm now a christian, you filthy pigfucking sonofabitch motherfuckin dicksucker asshole! Youoffend me! Okie enough of the bullshit, you're homepage kicks major ass!!! I am a christian, but it's not like I don't have a fuckin life, ... people take the Halloween thing way to damn seriously. And those fuckers actually think you're serious about the winking Jesus. This is fucking insane!! Keep up the good work with your kickass homepage and dont let these dicks give ya shit like this.
From: teg1 I haven't laughed so hard in..well..for some time. You are a fucking comic genius! I agree with you that the religious ones who want to damn to to hell and then pray for your soul at the same time are a bunch that make me laugh a little nervously. It would be a shame if someone actually killed you though, but i still won't send you any money. I am a little jealous of you though, so maybe, you know, if there was a way for me to take the credit for what you have done, i wouldn't be quite so sad.maybe. i just don't know. ok, if you actually get killed, i will send a dollar ok. I knew there were a lot of stupid bastards out there, but i am truly a-fucking-mazed...sorry to hear that the one person damned your whole family to hell, that was a little extreme
From: Rik Zak I love your page man, but the thing that shocked me is how many people fail to see that your joking. Holy shit, that Halloween one cracked me up. But i was rolling on the floor when i saw that people were agreeing with you thinking you were serious. "YES HALLOWEEN IS THE DAY OF THE DEVIL" they cry.
From: S. Maloney Ha Ha Ha I'm sure you've truly found you nitche' in life, your writing although graphic in nature is thoroughly articulate, it has to be to offend or entertain the "masses". Any article that can spark something in side a person to prompt them to get off their asses and write down their feelings is a real gift/talent in our culture we see alot of what I call "banging & blaming" but few banding together to get results. So I hope someday your talents not only make you millions but also find you in a position where millions hear you roar.. LMAO offensive of not you have a great gift of words......S. Maloney, California
From: Godspank
I find it terribly amusing how many people take this site so seriously, and
applaud you for your obviously keen wit and healthy cynicism! Keep up the
good work and spreading the propoganda!
From: Stacey Kraai
Well, Isn't that special! :-) My husband and I got quite a kick out of your whole mess of pages. We do have a hard time believing that these people writting you really believe what they are saying. It might be an interesting study in the ignorance of people on the net! You should publish a paper or something! What we are really saying is that...We believe you have the key to the truth! Please lead us to the promised land! Teach us oh great one! We will follow your word to the ends of the earth and beyond! We will send you all of our money...wait wait wait...Perhaps we'll just send you a dollar for your funeral fund :-) Let us know, oh great one, if you bite the big one, and we will honor you like Elvis! Keep up the good work! lol! from koschka and wr3nch
Johnathan, I found your web site by accident -- I was looking for information about the history of Halloween and ran into your "Demonic Day of Darkness" pamphlet. You certainly had me going for a while; I was completely convinced that the material was written by a paranoid religious fundamentalist who needed a splash of cold reality... Fooled me! B-) Anyway, count me in as a fan and a supporter. Your detractors really don't "get it"; it frightens me that people so mindlessly stupid (whether they be Christian fundamentalists, thin-skinned Wiccans, gutter-mouthed loonies, or whatever else) are walking the streets every day. But don't let the bastiches get you down -- some people do appreciate your satire, and you've just gained another enthusiast. Keep it up!
--Robert Jung
Ok, I laughed at the Halloween page. Frighteningly close to real propaganda articles and whatnot I've read but I went there knowing it was a joke. I'd been to the Winking Jesus page a few months ago and am relieved to know it was a joke. (I laughed at it but thought it was real at the time) I recieved that "How to be a Wife" guide in a mailing list earlier this week and am still laughing at the responses I got from others on the list. But that Santa thing. Wow, you're right when you said, "I was horrified that I had actually written some of the disgusting entries in the diary. I'm still considering seeking therapy over it." Funny but, yeah, "call your local health care center"
I shudder at the thought of what you're gonna do with the Easter Bunny. Can't wait to see your next installment of offensiveness~and the results! Noelle
What can I say, I came, I read, I laughed. End of story. Keep showing those idiots how truly stupid they are. Thanks for the good humor. lthoth
john, FYI, there is no H after the O. this is one of the reasons i'm happy i have the internet. the letters from the xians were so funny. you do excellent work, and i applaud you for pissing these people off. someone has to! keep up your brilliant work! i'll keep checking back for more. see you in hell (if the xians are right we'll all end up there), sarah
Well, nice to see that there are still athiests around. I can tell because you have the Christians ready to burn you at the stake, the Satanists ready to eat you, the kids with a lot of time on their hands trying to curse you, and the Witches wondering where you get this shit, and the idea for this. What scares me is that too many people take you seriously. Or not enough know to cut off the last word and / to see the index of the page. I think the problem is...the catholics "see the wink and aim to purify", and also see your little ...mad raving?...of the Halloween one, and they go crazy (by no means a long walk). If I were you, I'd just be worried....the christians who would take the time to stop and tell you the've "seen the light" are more dangerous than the people telling you they'll curse you, there's a little "three-fold law", they hurt you they get it x3. Little side note there. C ya...by the way, e-mail me if you put this on my page. Thanks. RaistlinS (yeah, I'm gonna put my REAL name in this, sure) Thanks Stephen! (That's his REAL name!)
Dear Mr. Chance: I have a terrible confession...I was drawn to read your article: Halloween: Kids treat or Pagan trick by a goofy link site that listed it under "Anti-Halloween" pages. I knew what I was going to see, was going in for a laugh anyway...but still managed to be offended...
THANK HEAVENS I saw the "Propaganda for the Paranoid" logo at the bottom of
the last page! Once I realized that it was a JOKE (though there are some
serious ones out there- as evidenced by your "Nuts" section) it made the
rest of the reading so much funnier! I'm going to send some of my friends to this site *snicker* and not let em' in on the joke! Hee hee!
Thanks for the laughs,
And- look out for lightning bolts!
Hey! I loved your homepage! I could hardly stop laughing. Although, I have to admit that the funniest of all was the CEO ... People are so strange ... :) Anyway, keep up the great work, and never stop pissing these psychos off. L8er!
Liza :)
Dear Jonathan,
I praise your wonderful sense of humor! It is a rare thing these days. I
will be passing your site on to a few friends who will also enjoy the sarcasm.
Keep up the good humor and steer clear of the folks with no common sense.
This email is for Jonathan Chance. Man, you are one really twisted guy.
I can't believe what I just read. Half way through it, I'm still going,
"this has got to be a joke. no body can be this paranoid". Well,
fortunately I took the time to find out what PFTP standands for before
deciding if you are one really sicko bastard, or if you have a complex
sense of humor. I still haven't decided, but we both know that's not
the issue. :) I love what you did you your pages, nice to see someone
trying to get people to think for themselves instead of going off half
cocked, thinking they have the right to speak for someone else. You
wouldn't happen to be part of that group that "Warning high concentrations
of H20 found in rain." science project? Now that was true humor.
Had a fairly good chuckle oveer your winking Jesus. Had a much more entertaining laugh at the comments in your "Testimony" page. Much more enlightening, to be sure.
Have you ever read D.H. Lawrence? Yes, the same one, of Lawrence of
Arabia fame. He wrote a story called "The Man Who Died," published many
years ago. In the story, Jesus has what was referred to as a 'sexual
congress' with a priestess of Isis in an Egyptian temple. At the
climactic moment, Jesus declares, 'I am risen!'
I had assumed that Lawrences story, like the Gospels, were nothing more
than fables and concoctions written by semi-prophets who knew that one
day we would all share the enjoyment of so many televangelists grovelling
for the same pool of money coming from a pit of 5 million little old
ladies who really do believe that Pat, Benny, Jimmy and Tammy Fae can all
really heal someone by speaking in a fake language and laying on of
hands. (Ever watch those fakirs put their money-grubbing hands on someone
who won't fall over? They push them!) After seeing your winking Jesus, I am now convinced that Lawrences story is all true, and that Jesus had a different motive in mind when he held up the piece of bread (possibly representing a phallic symbol) and telling his apostles to "Eat this, for this is my body [penis symbol." Of course, seeing that they used unleavened bread, it probably didn't get a rise out of him, anyway. Oh, well. At least he had Mary Magdeline to get his jollies.
Good parody.
To the Honorable Jonathan C. Chance, I like this title! Well! I ran across your Jesus Winking page while doing a web search for miraculous/paranormal photos. At first I was a bit angry, being then in the serious skeptic/investigative mindset- knowing that this would bring a slew of well meaning but tunnel-visioned Christians to your site proclaiming 'Alleluia!!! A Miracle!' Sadly many, if not most, are all too gullible... (n.b. If you get a fairly good print & animate it you'll cause all Hell to break loose- literally ;) Going to your index/home page gave me a good chuckle, however, switching from serious to light- and I think Jesus, too, had a sense of humor (He WAS human, wasn't He?)... Sad that there are not two 'shortest sentences' in the Bible, with the addition of "Jesus laughed." Your mail is also hilarious, with some of your toppers (in red, as in some KJV's ;) just adding to the hilarity... I especially like the "Got milk?" Hmmmm....another of the shortest sentences? ;^D
Oh, and Jonathan??? --in your attempts to 'get rich' off the internet
and your latest 'burial fund'- *sigh* didn't you learn from your poor
little boy scheme? Oh well, if you scrape up enough for a Guiness or
Half-and-Half, give me a call *g* (enough for two, you cheapskate- I
can just hear your intonation of 'dutch' ;) --you may want to next try a Wanking Jesus... but that's too much. Hmmm, how 'bout Jesus flicking a booger? In the Spirit(s)
Emmy
Thanks!
what the hell is the meaning of all of this.i can't believe that you could do such a thing. actually i can't believe i didn't think of it first. This page is really great. I spread it to a couple of friends (some of which were Wiccans) and they all loved it. especially the responses from some of these people. Some people really need to learn to lighten up a bit (and lern to spel). thanks for the entertainment.
Carl Simpson
You got me!!! =) Somehow I missed the end link on the last page of your Halloween site . . . a concerned Wiccan had forwarded your address to me because they felt it was a Witch hate-site. Because, sadly enough, there are people who believe some of the ridiculous things that are on there. Nevertheless, embarrasingly, I fell for it. Just a couple of days ago, a lady e-mailed me and told me the real facts about the Halloween page. I clicked through the thing again, this time found the link, and boy was I in for a surprise when I found the main page!! So, yes, I have egg on my face for labeling this portion of your site as being religious-intolerant, and I apologize to you. With that said, and having visited the rest of site, all I can say is that I appreciate the effort that has gone into your site, and I'm glad that I can fully appreciate your site for what it is - wickedly brilliant! Another enlightened Witch,
Dana
Hey! I just read your Halloween bit! I admit, you had me there for a minute. I must be one of the few people who actually bothered to scroll all the way down the page to the part where it says "propoganda for the paranoid." Obviously more people would know that you were only joking if they just had a little more fucking patience. Amen! Oh well. As my boyfriend Joel and I always say, there are five billion people on this planet. 99% of these people are mentally retarded. The other one percent are pulling their hair out in frustration. And thanks to all those damn Catholic fertility specialists out there, the retards keep on multiplying! However, with this website of yours, at least you have come up with a reasonable alternative to the hair pulling thing. Instead of getting frustrated and pulling out our hair (after all, hair is one's crowning glory, don'tchya know) we can simply laugh our asses off at all those retards out there and let them get frustrated with us for a change. And change is good, is it not? You're doing important work, my friend.
Rachel
Your website http://www.PropagandaForTheParanoid.com/ is unbelievably amusing, and I am entertained.
After reading some of the letters you've received, it
frightens me to realize that humorless fundies are not
soley a christian phenomenon. Some of the letters you
received make me think that solvent abuse is a much greater
problem than I originally thought.
--Ted.
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I did a net search of "Halloween" when I saw your your tract on that holiday and found it very offensive before I realized it was a satire on fanatic religeous paranoia. I just assumed you were another ignorant fundamentalist with his head placed properly in his anus, but after I realized your message, I found it very hilarious. But the people that fail to see your satire fills me with a bit of fear, for mass closed minded intolerance can lead up to horrible hate crimes. One side note, I have found numerous pages that document your Halloween tract as actual fact. I know if I were you, I'd be rolling in laughter over this.
Samuel
Jonathan, I just checked ou; P.F.T.P., and must say it is some of the funniest shit I've ever read. Your heartbreaking account of the darker side of North Pole Celebrity brought tears to my eyes. Keep up the good work. Take care!
Jescob2
I've gotten a charge out of your site and the various types of mail you've
received in response...sure does point out how easy it is to be gullible.
I am a pagan who heard of your site through other disgruntled pagans. The
reactions to your statements have been truly enlightening. It sure does
point out the need to not automatically jump to conclusions...and even if
we find material to be personally offensive, to respect the right of others
to air their viewpoint.
I love you, marry me! :c) What an interesting way your mind works. - AntiDoll
Dear Jonathan, After visiting web site after web site and leaving each one wondering when someone is actually going to build a site that leaves an impression, I gratefully fell upon yours. Thanks for finally giving me something to laugh at! I love it when I get to see someone else besides myself use their witty sense of humor, and freedom of speech to make an example out of society, and their often childish and hysterical behavior. I am a fan of no one's, but your site is now one of my favorites! Laurel
Couldn't get through all the hate mail, but the death curses were great and I
loved the 'just nuts'. The way I see it, anyone can write something on the
internet and piss a bunch of people off--it takes a special something to get
somebody to write you explaining that Santa Clause does not exist. If you're
webpage suddenly disappears, I'll definitely be sure to send that donation for
your memorial fund.
Dear Mr. Chance, We, my roomate and I think your webpage kicks so much ass, we want to
carry your children. I want to give you a little child that has a mixture of your and my genes, so that we may produce little Jonathan Chance's all over the world. My roomate, too. She wants that too. I think it is funny that the people who wrote you hate mail and so on
don't understand that you're joking. How do they manage to walk upright and reason? Satan probably helps them, or God, or Santa.
Hey Jonathon! I found a link somewhere during Halloween last year (looking for graphics for my own website) to your Halloween page, and I have to admit that while I was laughing at the sheer stupidity of the "facts," especially the use of the anarchy and ankh symbols as "satanic symbols" (oops...sorry...that MAY BE "satanic symbols"), I started to get aggravated in thinking that whoever wrote it actually BELIEVED it (since you yourself now know there ARE people that stupid)! Then I found the link...and was RELIEVED to see that you were joking around, and for good reason! I went to the other sites and laughed my ass off some more. It wasn't until today (2/6/98) that I checked back to see if the link I put on my links page (to the Santa Exposed site...my FAV) was still working. I went through the hate mail and death threats, and I DON'T envy you! Thank god there were a good number of people who HAD a sense of humor. Whew! Anyway, I think you should try the alien abduction suggestion, the shoot-a-person/take-a-shooting-class-in-school suggestion (make it NRA propaganda, make it seem more convincing), and the Marilyn Manson one (I like his music, but the way he acts sometimes just BEGS to be messed with)! Hell, I'm gay, and I think the anti-homosexual suggestion would be funny (even funnier would be an anti-HETEROSEXUAL one)! Maybe try something with the Easter Bunny, leprachauns, politicians..maybe even the evils of fairy tales, evils of music (Yanni: New Age Sensation or Satan's House Musician?...or substitute Yanni with the Spice Girls and/or Hanson)! Damn...better quit while I'm ahead! Keep up the good work! Fuckin' hysterical, dude!
--Frank
Mr. Chance, You, sir, are the Howard Stern of the Internet!! Your cruel websites only serve to make people look stupid! Of course, they *are*.......but that is beside the point. How many of your victims now have self-esteem problems or, worse yet, have actually started USING THEIR BRAINS?!! What will the world come to if people begin thinking critically? What will happen to the economy if folks can see through advertising gimmicks? And let's not even talk about what will happen to politics! I shudder to think of the consequences of your foolish actions here. Please, I am begging you - stop this insane plot to stimulate the brains of your unsuspecting readers before it is too late!!!!!! I am terrified that you may open yet more of these time bombs to suck more people into your nefarious scheme. Perhaps a site about flag burning or prayer in schools. There is no limit to the opportunities for you to spread your evil seeds of destruction!!
Sincerely, PS Keep up the good work. Thanks Lisa! Being called the Howard Stern of the internet is another GREAT title I think I like!
Kevin Murray wrote:
Jason Biggs wrote:
Mÿk Olsen wrote:
Brian Jolliff wrote:
LadyWolf wrote:
Pamela wrote:
Jolleen Wallace wrote:
Travis Tyson wrote:
"Mr. Moonlight" wrote:
Tino wrote:
Matt Wagner wrote:
Joy Jergens wrote:
Samantha wrote:
Prairie Moon wrote:
Syn & Demensia wrote:
Matthew de Pratter wrote:
Russ wrote:
B. Bells wrote:
Dave Hanson wrote:
Jill wrote:
Anon wrote:
Morgan wrote:
I immediately wrote to the other PAL reps and told them to
wake up; that your site is a satire and that you didn't say you believed all
that stuff about Halloween. On further exploration of your site, I can say
that I even respect your "in-yer-face" attitude and NO WAY would I call
you a Christian, as some of my mis-guided fellow pagans have.
"Black" humour has always been a favorite of mine, and I don't mean African-Americans, either. Just wanted to let you know that there's at least one pagan out here -- and even in your neck of the woods! -- who knows that you're not attacking us; you're just having fun. Too bad most people don't seem to be able to laugh along with you. I guess they're the types who take themselves too seriously and will end up in an early grave.
Dave Rouleasu wrote: My point is that, though your pages are somewhat amusing, you are totally outclassed by the mail you receive from your "adoring fans". Admit it! I bet you couldn't begin to imagine more entertaining writing than what is provided to you by the paranoids, wackos, and deranged mass-murderers (Victim: the English Language) who feel compelled to offer you even more ridiculous material to add to the popularity of your site! It's easy to see how the Inquisition caught on. Just write something and you can trust somebody to run with it! When I leave work tonight, I won't be looking out for demons, devil-worshippers, or their ilk; I will be wary of the extremist nut-cases who cannot distinguish between reality and paranoid delusional fantasies (even if they are in print...).
Must be nice to have everyone else write your web page for
you... :-)
Monique wrote:
Elena wrote: I admit that when I first stumbled across your site, I thought you really were some right-wing wacko, and I also admit that finding out you weren't ruined some of the humor of it for me. Then I went and read some of your hate-mail, and nearly asphyxiated laughing. First off, it's against Wiccan doctrine to hex anybody, and if harm sent does come back threefold, then it's not you that the mother goddess is going to strike down. Why don't you point that out to some of these little pansy-ass white-lighter pseudo-Christian fuckers:) I live in Hampton Roads VA, and not only is it on the whispery edge of the Bible Belt, but we also have a large and active pagan community. This can be more fun to watch than the Superbowl, I'm telling you. I've gotten propaganda in my mailbox from a little comic strip illustrating how all the Jews were going to go to hell-presented as a loving plea to come to Christ as his Chosen Race-to a trifolded pamphlet pointing out why atheism is the way to go. When the Christians did their morning-prayer-around-the-flagpole-thing, the local pagan teenagers performed a full-scale spirit-calling ritual within three yards of them (that one made the evening news and the paper). So basically, I've learned to have a sense of humor about the whole mess, and I appreciate finding somebody else who does as well. YOur site reminds me of the old story of throwing rocks at the sleeping giants' heads so they'll beat each other up. I was working on a fake pamphlet about the dangers of witchcraft which was going to be a gag between myself and a few of my friends as a way to irritate the local pagan community, and I'll e-mail you the results. Keep up the good work!
Yours, P.S. I happen to worship Lilith, the Babylonian goddess of sex, magick, and death, and I am the High Priestess of the Horned Moon Coven in Newport News VA, and I am telling you this because I don't want the Goddess to be represented on this site by raving idiots. Blessed be, Jonathan!
Chris Chatterson wrote:
Chas wrote:
Noah Gottlieb wrote:
Michele wrote: Interestingly enough, I found the link to your web page off of www.witchvox.com. There is a listing of "religious hate" sites under there...... Wicca is a religion of joy and happiness... yet we have lost our sense of humour. In a sense, you have done us a favour, by pointing this grave mistake out that all of us are making. I appreciate it. Good luck with your page, Merry Prankster.
Shelly wrote: I, just for the record, am a Pagan with a lot of skeptical tendencies. But I think that's irrelevant to whether I laughed at the page or not. :) Blind ignorance is blind ignorance, no matter what package it comes in.
US wrote:
Hey there,
Keep out of that Texas sun! It'll fry your brain faster than a peyote omelete.
I am writing to repent for my sins of judgemetal-ness(is that even a word?)Seriously though, you have proven your point to me. I think from now on I'll try to remember to examine things more closely before JUMPING. Point well taken.
I found your page and was amazed at what you had to say until I read further..... you have made a great point. People need to pay more attention before believing what they hear or read. Amen! Thumbs up to you for trying to get your point across. From: Lane
From: PyroPoet
Classic!! Your page and pamphlets are hilarious! Being a fan of the macabre and fellow lover of Halloween I know quite a bit about it origins (Samhein etc.), and when I read your Halloween pamphlet I couldn't believe what I was reading. However, I was laughing aloud, even when I jumped to your P.F.T.P. page. I smiled through the other pamphlets and your mail, loving all of it. As a good chunk of mail shows information (of misinformation as the case may be) is a powerful thing, and it's always nice to see such an uptight world get beaten by it's own stupidity and close-mindedness. Keep the comedy flowing and I'll look forward to expansion. From Lucky Starr hahah I was just about to send a nasty email regarding your halloween page, and then i read your home page. at first i thought you were some bible thumper. actually, i think its pretty funny now.
Hey Jonathan!
As a Warlock I find your articles amusing but at the same time it disgusts me. When witches curse you they get back three times what they send out. So I won't curse you my thoughts will be with you. I can't see you living for much longer so go in peace but watch your back.
I read just about all of your page and i have to say that they are some real stupid people out there.... Your "propoganda" is really showing what kind of stupid hype people put on things.. I mean holloween? Give me a break if little kids like to run around in a superman outfit and get candy... They might as well do it while there young... I wish i could run around in an ape outfit and get candy.... Santa Claus...*lofl* I knew there was something up with him... ever since he stole my dads stash and i got blamed for it, i knew he was evil. Oh yeah, I showed my girlfriend the "How to be a good wife." She no longer talks to me because now she is lesbian...You have touched my life but at the same time made my only true love hate men... Oh well... FUCK HER!
God Bless *lol*
i love the santa diary, i think it is really funny, and i think you should make this knowledge more public.
fuck the blind public that believe this man is nice.
they may get mad, but when they all find out. they will remember.
Wow, pretty weird shit. I enjoyed it immensely. Some of it made me laugh out loud. The little gotcha at the bottom of Halloween's last page was great. I wonder how many people actually bothered to read it. The hate mail, death threats, and nutty stuff was too weird to be faked. I know people like that, it's scary. It never ceases to amaze me at how many people out there have no sense of humor. How sad to go through life being offended by everything you see. What's ever more sad is that they don't realize how much they're missing out on by lightening up a little. Oh, well. If they can't take a joke... fuck with 'em.
I'm looking forward to more weird stuff from you.
hi hi mister ,
the evil princess sixela
Just a short fan letter to let you know how enjoyable your pages are! With such a simple method, you were able to bring out the best of the worst in hundreds of folks that are entertaining as hell! I will visit the Reflections sight regularly (when I need my spirits lifted) to read the latest musings of the enlightened masses! Bravo! BB and HUGS!
MooneStone
Man, you totally Kick Ass!! Your Pages Are SOOOOOO Funny!!!! Its About Time Something Else Is On The Web Other Than All This Educational Crap!!! Thanx For The Laughs Buddy!!
This is very funny. I needed a good laugh tonight.
Thanks,
Loved it! Sarcasm is, in my opinion, the highest form of humor. Your pages should go down in history with Swift's "Gulliver's Travels," MAD Magazine, and Letterman's finest work as the primo examples of media sarcastica. Keep up the good work!
Hey Jonathan, just wanted to say great site. I linked to it from a Halloween Page (by W.J. Bethancourt III) and I must admit, you had me going at first. I have always been a skeptic, believing that most of what I read or see on television is probably false. This is a good lesson for us all in seeking truth for ourselves. I'm truly surprised that most of your hate mail was over the Halloween page. I would have thought that the winking Jesus would have brought out the radical Christians in mass. My favorite quote from you was "The Christians think I'm an Atheist and the Pagans, Witches, and Satanists think I'm a Christian." How funny. We are blinded daily by all sorts of propaganda from radio and television and now the internet. We are brainwashed into thinking that "New and Improved" Tide is somehow better than the old Tide. I started teaching my daughter when she was young (now twelve) not to always believe everything she saw on television. I knew that I had succeeded one day when she say a commercial for a dancing Barbie (doll was dancing by herself) when she turned to me and said "Daddy, that Barbie can't really dance like that...they are just trying to get you to buy it" (I was so proud!) Thanks for the wakeup call. Sincerely Danny Dixon
Jonathan,
Subject: Pretty good Pretty damn funny, I have to say. I first checked out the Winking Jesus and could not tell whether it was a joke or not (though, I usually wish that Chick Publications are a big joke - oh well). Chick Publications always make me laugh! The only thing that gives evidence that it might be a joke is that it's done too well. For some reason most of the more nutty sites tend to be very sloppy - I guess they don't go for the "medium is the message" concept. I've noticed that also. I was kinda going for the basic HTML stuff in hopes that it would look authentic. Guess I need more pratice at appearing to be really wacked out. Incidentally, I checked out the Bittner's homepage The Bittner's wrote me a while back. They are fundies who actually believed the HALLOWEEN pages. When I first listed their mail, their own web page was extreme fundie crap. They have since toned it down and I was more frightened by that than by most anything else I've seen. What's particularly funky is that in no way does it ever tread anywhere that isn't middle of the road (hell, Dilbert is funny, but not really unsafe (similar to Jeff Foxworthy, except Jeff Foxworthy isn't funny)). Well, have fun and keep up the goofiness. Oh, one thing I tried a few years ago was to call a number of people randomly in Boston posing as a newspaper reporter from the Globe asking what was their opinion on the recent UFO sightings around town. The goal was to get enough people talking about it that I would eventually start getting people on the line who claimed to have seen the UFOs. Sadly, I'm more of an idea-guy than an actual doer, and gave up after two calls. I think it would work though. Great idea! You could always create a web page about the landing site. I'd give the address of someone I didn't care for though - They'd probably get a few visitors of the more worldly kind! - mike hightower
Subject: pftp That was a pretty fun time I just had looking through your pages! I find it all hillarious. I don't think you are taking yourself seriously I never take myself seriously (if you do, I'm sorry, but it is really funny). I really liked the santa clause thing. FYI - The Santa Clause Exposed pamphlet was created in about 20 minutes. After finishing it, I read it. I was horrified that I had actually written some of the disgusting entries in the diary. I'm still considering seeking therapy over it. Keep it comming. Can't wait for an update. lestat PS: I wish I had death threats and hate mail. It is at least better/funnier than the junk mail I get!
From: David Hearnsberger When I first hit your page, I thought, "Great, another venting fanatic". Then I started laughing like hell and couldn't stop. Scary, too. Thanks for the mind candy. Had an idea for a product a while back. Have you seen those toilet bowl deoderizers that hang by a wire on the side of the bowl? Why not do something to make life better for people in need! Make the deoderizer in the form of Christ on a cross--keep your cammode clean, pray, and take a shit all at the same time! I'd buy it! Looking forward to your exposing Satan Clause and those goddamn elves.
From: "Harrison, Steven P" I thought I would add to your virtual stack of mail concerning your PFTP site. I found it while hunting for sites on Halloween. I though it was great at first because I love any propaganda that stupidly denounces anything evil. After I read your explanations and other sections of the PFTP site I liked it even more. What a great idea. How brave you are to stick your name on something that draws fire from the nets foremost collection of loonies. Surely death threats are a sign of true artistic excellence. You think so? But enough praise. Already?
I have seen many sites similar to your Halloween pages that are completely serious. I wonder if they get as much hate mail as you do.
Do you think people would be more likely to attack an individual such as yourself than a whole church? Yes, I do. The penalty for burning down a church is much larger than the penalty for burning down my house.
From: Glenn M Stuva
I was again revisiting your page, and decided to read some of your hate mail. It was like deja vu all over again. I've received similar mail myself. It's a bit alarming that people in this country do not appear to know the meaning of the words "satire" or "parody." I suppose if these people read Jonathon Swift's essay "A Modest Proposal," they would exclaim, "Oh, that horrible Mr. Swift. He's advocating cannabalism!" Anyway, I still admire your site. Keep up the good work. I'm in the process of totally revamping my site. Hopefully it will be introduced in mid-April.
From: "Mr. Blunt"
From: ansur You are very sick--but loads of laughs!
To: Terri Turner
Thanks, I enjoyed your page. I am a nurse, and after a long day of
misery, I NEED a good laugh--but then we trauma nurses are sick weirdos
anyways...
Thanks! I'm glad someone who has to look at really disgusting body organs all day long can appreciate the simplicity of my pages.
I considered doing a page like MARYLIN MANSON EXPOSED, but decided that I was more likely to be hunted down and killed by one of his followers than by any follower of Santa, Jesus, or Satan.
I just thought of a good title though:
MARYLIN MANSON - Spawn of Satan or Latent Homosexual?
The pages could include copies of "stolen" letters written by Mr. Manson to his mother and to cosmetic companies asking if their products have been tested on animals. Also, sightings of him at very popular gay bars and a sighting of him and RuPaul together at a gay pride parade.
ehhhhh - I think I better leave that one to some other wacko to create
Thanks again!
From: K Jo Garner
You have provided hours of amusement for the computer geeks here at sunsite.
Even with 2 witches, a discordian, several xtians (a catholic even!), and a couple athiests, we still found the site hilarious -- especially once we found the hate mail.
We apologize for checking the ~sandman site before sending off our hate mail... but thanks for the amusement on a Friday afternoon! Apology accepted. I'm just glad I could help take your minds off code for a while.
(We actually stayed LATE at work to read this stuff... wonders!)
Bascha, Michael, Carl, Lane, Uzoma, KellyJo, and Donald
Subject: The degradation of woman
Im all for it!!!! Its about time some of us stuck up bitches got put in our places. Ok, so I wouldnt go that far, but its true we get everything. And as far as the Wiccan and Satanist Email defenses, these people have their heads to far up their asses to notice a little good fun. If you cant laugh everyone once in awhile, may your head explode. Sorry, Im bitter.
Emily
Subject: Funeral Arrangements
In the unfortunate event that you are killed, can we bar-b-que your remains so that we can all have a piece of you within us? Sure! I don't believe in burials anyway. I just ask that you are careful and don't over cook me. I get pretty chewy when over cooked.
Blessed Be!
Julie!
From: "Michael G. Williams"
Jonathan,
I must admit, I got quite a chuckle out of your site. I especially found the Halloween section amusing (I'm Wiccan). I would apologize for my fellow pagans who've been silly enough to flame you, but it isn't my fault that they don't have any sense of humor, is it? No, it sure isn't
By the way, I have to say that I am *deeply* envious of you. I've never gotten a single death threat over the 'net in my *life*.
Regards,
Subject: Santa Claus Exposed
I have learnt first hand that the jolly old fat man isn't as innocent as the shopping malls lead us to believe...one christmas eve two years ago.....my rotweiller and scotch cabinet were violated by this over weight little fat fucker in his dashing candy apple red suit, when I catch him I am going to shove the cheap cd player, that cover model for weight watchers left me, up his hairy fat ass. My dog still goes into uncontrolable barking fits when he hears bells. The next time I see the little fat fuck sitting in a shopping mall I am going to drop some napome down the front of his pants...ho ho ho have a very merry christmas satan.
Crystal and Barry
Subject: propaganda and advertising
hello...
Subject: your page
You know my uncle, Dewey Dewey is a (dare I say it?) PAGAN friend of mine. It was he that introduced me to your page. I like your style and the content. I must say that the introduction is thought provoking and should be continued as it is.
Thank you, Jon
Subject: Hallowe'en WWW Page
So, I looked at your web page, sent you an (Hate) email, and showed my friend Evan your page. He giggled and I asked why. Then he explained to me what sandman on fastlane is all about.
Sorry. I'll pay attention details more in the future.
By the way.... loved Santa's diary.
julie
Subject: The whole damn thing...
Dear Mr. Chance (if that is your REAL name), I think your sites are a scream in general, and as an Art School Grad I never shirk away from a little info-terrorism Love that word. Though Jesus did not wink at me and I already knew about Ol' Santy Claws I don't feel rejected or sad, or even sorry for you. I think this is a cool way to tell people to LIGHTEN UP ALREADY. I suppose it's possible that these sites (particularly the HALLOWEEN one) could stir up real trouble for some folks - those bible thumpers can actually be dangerous when riled - but in general I like them. Of course they are full of disinformation, but then that seems to be the point. I was once a witch and no, I didn't convert to Xianity but Satanism and Halloween don't have anything to do with one another except in paranoid minds. Wicca is a gentle faith (reformed of course since the sacrifice days of yore) and Satanism gets a bad rap most of the time, but then I guess you probably don't really give a shit about either one of the afforementioned faiths, even Santa Clause I respect anyone's right to worship any god(dess) they wish as long as they respect my right not to. Oh, well, nothin' I can do about it I guess. Hope you get ashes and switches for Xmas and yummy treats on Halloween. I don't know if this counts as a "flame" letter or fan mail. Hmmm...you decide. Look where I put you
Subject: THIS IS A STUPID, STUPID WORLD
Isn't it reassuring to know that stupid, stupid people can go to a simple animated gif and find enlightenment and life-changing cults?
Subject: a pat on the back
It's really amazing how quick people are to jump to conclusions isn't it? I am a pagan and I saw the Halloween page, at first I was offended, but I payed attention to the fine print and realized it is all disinformative propaganda.
Subject: your www site
Well...I read through all the stuff on here. Some of it made me laugh. Most of it is completly wrong. I understand why people were sending ya all that hate mail... they just get offended too easily. But what scared me was the death threats, curses, and the people who are Jesus freaks...
-- A Wiccan who found the site amusing
Subject: Interesting...
Hey Jonathon, I wrote yesterday and today have decided to do a little (not much) back pedaling. Part of me had a feeling that your Halloween story was B.S. put there to possibly prove a point. But I guess I enjoy the feeling of being able to speak my mind or maybe I just like hearing the sound of my voice (or the sound of the words I write). Anyway, yes you are right. People are very judgemental. And yes, people do need to educate themselves more to the world around them. There are people out there that probably should open their minds to everything that the world has to offer. However, I am a little disappointed. Part of me wanted you to believe the words you were saying so that I could feel some satisfaction in trying to help someone learn more about the world. Oh well. Thanks for the reality check. You're welcome and thank you for the kind words.
Tamara :)
Subject: it appears i have fallen into the trap...
Do you ever get the feeling you have done something stupid...Usually right after I get out of bed
Subject: This will fall under fan mail, I am sure...
I read your Halloween site...A friend suggested it...
Subject: Halloween
Your page on Halloween in excellent! I especially like the bony hand that you click to go to the next page That's my favorite part too!. Nice layout. Very humorous!
Subject: Yeah!
I dig it. Great!
Subject: Just One of the Masses...
Subject: thanks!
I'd just like to say thanks for keeping people "on their toes" and making them think a bit. Unfortunately it seems most are jumping to conclusions and making assumptions, probably due to their poor reading skills learned in the dreaded public schools!! Perhaps these people should lower their noses and take a look at what is right under them! I guess it's true, sometimes you can't see the forest for the trees. Amen
Thanks Again,
From: Bob I can't believe the kind of response that you get from some of
the morons that write to you. I'll admit I thought most of what you
wrote was stupid and mindless crap before I read the mail that followed
it up.
I was starting my research and fieldwork for a paper I am writing in my
folklore class on Halloween when I found your Halloween and other
websites. Your site just goes to show how the urban myth is spred and
your mail reflects that people will always hear what they want to hear.
I thought your web site was very entertaining. It`s also
educating showing the ways people jump to conclusions and interpret what
they read. The e mail you receive is amazing. There are enough ignorant
people out there!
I was going to write a message to tell you that the P.F.T.P. page is
fantastic. I was going to say that it is a witty and intelligent
statement about free speech. I was going to say that the unsuspecting
Internet community deserved to have more pages like yours unleashed upon
it. I was going to say "keep 'em coming!" Then I saw the immense
volume of fan mail you had already received, so I figured my mail would
get buried amongst the lot of it, and would probably never even get
read, so I decided not to send the letter after all.
Uh, wait a minute.....
I am busting a gut! This is truly, truly TRULY the funniest
think I've ever seen. It makes me embarassed to be a human
being. Man, I love Holoween. Chill. . .
You got me. :) Maybe if I was in a less pugnatious mood. It looks so
much like the stuff that Bob Larson actually puts out that it's hard not
take it as being serious. Cool stuff.
Excellent work. Keep it up. It's amazing how many people don't take the
time to thouroughly examine what they read. I probably wouldn't if I
didn't know about your site before. Anyways, you're performing a great
public service. What a nice birthday present! can't wait for the X-Mas
page. y'know, Santa - Satan, hmm!
Hi!
I am firmly convinced that the image of Jesus really did wink at me, it
was not just an illusion. In fact, when I saved it and took it apart in
GifBuilder, my faith was only reinforced a thousandfold!
Oh, I checked out Greg & Ruth Bittner's web page; they both seem like
fine, decent, wholesome individuals. I'd better send them a Tarantino video.
Keep up the great work - I can only hope more people will read it and
realize how often we run at full tilt over intellectual teflon.
We were sitting around listening to some Sabbath tunnes one
evening when we searched for demonic and came up with your page.And We'd
just like to tell you and all the other LOW-LIFE ARROGANT BASTARDS out
there that we think you should write some more educational literature!
We think you rock! (Insert obnoxious comment here) It's surprising how
many satanists there are in the world, in fact I'm sitting next to one
right now; according to your halloween thingamajigger. (Those signs of
satanism that you wrote) My friend next to me corresponds to all of the
criteria. But naturally, he won't admit to anything in particular. For
your next informative article, you should write something along the
lines of a conspiracy between the major powers of the world and God.
From: Ian Dorion
From: Dave Lerner I have to say your site is one of the most truly refreshing sites on the internet. I work as a web designer, so I see all the mediocre stuff all the time. After reading the wacko mail... I think you should do a setion on gun advocacy stating all the benefits of shooting people... ie: if you see a kid you don't know standing in your yard you should shoot him because he might be a satanist placing a curse on your house ;) type thing. Or advocate schools should have classes on shooting guns, and wearing a gun to school should be required for kids for purposes of protection.
From: "Kathryn Tewson"
Okay -- I admit it -- you had me going with the Halloween site. I'm pagan, and I was researching anti-Wiccan bigotry when I found your site.
It so closely resembles so much of the real thing, I'd bookmarked it for research purposes . . . until I saw the "Propaganda for the Paranoid" at the last page.
It's still bookmarked. This is hysterical AND informative. I've always believed that people should examine closely the material they read, but you made the point far better than I could.
The hate mail was amusing, too . . . it kind of frustrates me that so many Pagans can be so unobservant about the stuff they read, but oh well.
Keep it up! Perhaps future sites could include an expose' of anti-homosexual propoganda or something.
From: Steven Joseph Strey
i think that your pages are truly funny...your responses to the hate mail made my piss my pants laughing! keep up the good work
...some people are total focking psycho, eh?
From: Isis
I was searching for a pic of a "chaos ankh" when i came across your "occult symbols page"... Fortunately i took the time to find out where the pages were coming from before i went and flamed you to death ;) The nice little "wiccan curses" some people sent you amused me highly...
If you'd like i could send you a few of my scanned religious pamphlets (real ones... depicting various cartoon scenes of children burning in hell ;) and one put out by the NRA) that i picked up on teh way to NYC... I love the pages, keep up the good work ;) are you perchance a discordian?
From: "MOE"
I am Jonathan's brother, and trust me, "He is one sick sum bitch".
From: Ed Mercure
Hi,
Liked your Halloween page, pretty scary stuff.
From: Nixies
Not too much to say here. I just thought I'd let you know that I really got a kick out of your page. Like everyone else I freaked in the beginning but when I read the end I laughed. And when I read your hate mail I laughed even harder. I think you are very clever and very humorous. I am new to this computer thing(We've only had it for a month) And I haven't really explored much on the internet but I came across your page and I must say you are terrific. Keep up the good work! And thanx for bringing a smile to my face.........:o)
From: DaWalrus
The Halloween page is very funny. Its funny how stupid Xtians believe that stuff and how they think Witches and Satanists are evil.
From: C Mestre
man, you've got one helluva great web-site! everything i read made me laugh- i guess i was lucky enough to see the humour in it all. after reading some of the hate mail and death threats you got i started laughing even harder- ignorance is sooo bliss, n'est pas? keep up the great work!
From: dragon
This was such a wonderful way to end a hard day at work. I have been Laughing Out Loud and can't seem to stop. These pages are great. I really liked the Santa pages, reminded me of the book "Santa's evil twin" by Dean Koontz. Very good. And the e-mail you get about the Halloween pages, a riot. Some people just don't have a funny bone now do they. I must remember to go home tonight and tell my 3 cats, 1 dog, and my wifes pigeon to pack their bags and hit the road. Also, must remember to wear that bath robe to bed more offten. Don't want to be mistaken for something I'm not.
This is some of the most fun you can have on the web. Keep up the good work. And oh yes, Lovecraft is a much better author the King.
Karl E. Taylor
From: mantonel
Hello.
From: Jeff Williams
I saw a reference to your halloween page in an irate posting on alt.magick and had to check it out. As I read it I found myself wondering "Is this for real or is it a put-on?" I seemed almost too closed-minded to have actually come from a serious source. I was delighted to discover your "propoganda for the paranoid" endeavor! What a great idea! Reading your hate mail was great fun. It's interesting (and I think revealing - I'm not sure of what) to see how quick people are to assume thay understand the motivations and the beliefs of others.
If you're trying to keep the existence of the PFTP page invisible to those who read the other propoganda pages why do you include a link?
Come to think of it, with that link there, how is it that anyone who reads the propoganda and becomes so upset that they have to send you a message misses the fact that its meant to "push their buttons"? They must be so blinded by their fury that they can't or won't see what's in front of them.
From: Vinnie Chassot
Wow. I knew it was easy to sound like one of the driviling
From: Russ Williams
Great concept, great execution! I'd like to see what you can do with alien abductions, the Holocaust, or racial or national stereotypes -- perhaps an American Traveler's Guide to Europe (or Foreign Traveler's Guide to America...._that_ would hurt!!).
From: JEMountjoy
Your pages are really funny. Fuck all the people that can't take a joke. What is up with those wacky ass fucks anyways? Humor is humor.....fuck 'em. Give all of the people who write you hate mail and death threats my e-mail address and I will help to enlighten them on how shallow their lives are! If they don't like what they read, they can take a fucking hike, preferably off of a cliff. Keep it up!!!!!
"Eclipse T'set Zar" writes:
J B Bell writes:
I must admit, you had me totally fooled up until the end. Nicely done, speaking as one who's studied similar, more sincerely felt propaganda from many sources. Of course, the good layout really should have clued me in that it wasn't a moronic, bigotted site, but rather a clever joke.
People who want to witch-hunt those they disagree with into extermination rarely have good HTML skills. I guess fanaticism and professionalism just don't go together.
A note, though it's probably unnecessary: you mention about "both sides" of the Satanism issue; no study by a reputable authority has ever found a greater propensity for crime among Satanists or indeed any other minority religion. I think as an example of the sad extremes people go to when they think before they act, and as you say, assume too much, a good read is _Satanic Panic_. It's by Victor Jeffries, an anthropologist who specializes in rumor-panics. Another excellent book is _In Search of Satan: Law Enforcement and the Occult_, by Robert D.
Hicks, who used to work for the FBI. This latter book's court transcripts are particularly chilling.
It would be a better world indeed if people looked twice before jumping to judgment. The PFTP credit in your pieces is perhaps the ultimate unchecked footnote.
--Rev. J B Bell
Steven Graziano writes: Are you Dead?
Hey! It's after Nov. 28th! I wanna learn about Santa Claws!
Very cool site, I hope you keep going with it, it's fun! educational!
and goes well with cookies and milk!
Anyway, keep up the great work, I hope you DONT die!
Cyndre Forester writes:
Greets....
I just wanted to thank you for all the silliness posted...I smirked all the way through it, and just imagined all the "holier-than-thou" Wiccans out there foaming at the mouth.. I am Pagan, and I found it extremely hilarious, especially all the hate mail and such..Gadzooks, some people need to lighten up just a wee bit.
Thanx again for the giggles!
Cyndre Forester
"Go Raibh Mile Maith Agat!
"As I was reading your pages, I was all set up to try to find your e-mail address and really let you know what a sorry, pathetic life you must live. That is, until I got to the last page and noticed there was more to it than first observed. The "Propaganda For The Paranoid" was an exquisite touch. I about laughed my bum off when I saw that."
"My thought to you is in compliment for making me think, reason and attempt to NOT judge. Thanks, it was Great!"
"We were looking for info on Halloween tradions and folklore an stummbled on your page. We were so outraged that we were determined to send you hate mail at the end, but then discovered we had taken the bait hook, line and sinker. Wow, do I feel foolish!
This is a great concept!"
Just saw the Halloween pages. Neat joke, dude. I think there are waaaaay too many people out there (Christians and Pagans alike) who take themselves far too seriously. Perhaps it's because I am currently "between religions" at the moment (coming from a Conservative Baptist home and having several close friends who are active Pagans/Witches) that I can sit back and see this page for what it is, and what you intended it to be. After all, if we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at?
Congratulations, and I hope no one really follows through on those death threats.
PS: Sorry if it failed to piss me off. :)
Ben Morgan
I loved it!!!And the fact that the huddled(black?)masses didnt made it all the funnier!!If you ever get the Xmas page up(that X oughta stir up some conflict)I'm going to use it as my opening page.If you get any really worthwhile curses,email me.I have a boss that needs straightening out!
Blaine Cash
Hi...I am really not too sure who you are....but I got onto your "Halloween" webpage...the one about "Childrens carefree night or ...." something or another anyway...at first I was VERY upset...for I am of the Wiccian religon and all that crap is so totally wrong...THEN..I read the info about the group that did the page...and I just busted out laughing!!
Angie Severt
Very good stuff, all around, Mr. Chance (and a good name, too)!!
You "got" me, too, at first. But then I saw what you were trying to do. A stroke of genius and courage that I can't help but admire.
Keep up the thought-provocation!
-Natalie
Bravo on giving ALL a chance to show their ignorance. Fortunately, I heard about your page before reading, or I too may have been one of the suckers. Here's hoping you get a chance to put that marvelous writing talent and wit to use--but use it for good, not evil
Jean Webb
Repent you child of Satan, embrace Jesus and all his glory and the glory of his name. Renounce Satan and all his demons, renounce LUCIFER and his minions. Embrace the universal religion of christianity, see the light and touch Jesus.
Had you fooled for a while? hehe, (I guess not :) I read your Halloween, propaganda page, and was almost completely fooled (but in a good way).
thanks for the lesson, and please have the Santa Claus thing up soon.
From: Patricio Lopez
Wow,
I can't believe how many people seemed to take this seriously. Some of the letters seemed to be return jokes -- suckling Satan through red and white stripe bendy-straws? (Yes, I know I paraphrased).
Those supposed "white-magick" witches need a sense of humor. God, I hate those whinebags. Get a real cause! "witches aren't satanists, whine, whine, whine...leave us alone, stop picking on us!" Morons.
Yeah, I'm just another wacko. But at least I have a sense of humor.
Now, finish that Santa page!
-Andrea
Dear Jonathan,
salutes on a great site! Loved the interactiveness and humor of it all. You are dangerous, be careful. Greetings, Helmut Should you be so inclined, I would invite you to visit my comic strip Cats & Dogs. Yes, disillusionment comes fast and easy at the New-Age ashram they operate. You thought disillusionment was bad? See you already had one!
From: Defender
I came across this page while searching for information on Halloween.
I don't have too much to say about the "winking Jesus" for I am a Christian and I find that rather distasteful Really? , even thought it wasn't near as bad as some things I have seen. BUT- the Halloween message had me rolling in the floor! And yes you had me going until I saw the "Propaganda for the Parnoid" at the end. I can't wait to see "Santa Claus Exposed!"
C. Connor
Mr.Chance,
I wrote you yesterday, but for some reason I decided to go back over your site. And I am glad I did because actually I find what you have done rather amusing. Interesting, huh? You seem to be putting things down. But actually all you are doing is saying is think before you judge.
Shadow
John,
Twisted, perverted.....neat and clever! Keep it up
A Fellow Cowtonian and Paranoid
Dr. Ricks Pluenneke
"This is a pathetically cruel and unusual way to really screw with the hopeless and stupid people on the internet. We like it!"
"This is the funniest page i've seen in a LONG time."
"What complete mindless drivel. If I wanted to see such crap, I would surf the web or someth...Er...Good site."
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